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For once, distance in a relationship was good — it would keep us from falling into something that could rip both our hearts out.Whatever we decided, I’d be going home and it would be a long time before I could come back or she could come to the States, if that even happened. I would be back in the same situation I had been with Birgit — a promise for the future, not a present reality. Was that kind of relationship fair to Karin at fourteen? In the end, that would have to be her decision. I’d decide what I wanted and what I needed and tell her honestly. She’d have to do the same, and we’d both have to look out for ourselves.And that was what Jennifer had been trying to tell me. That I had to look after myself. I’d been doing quite a bit of that here already. I had Pia and Sofia as support, but they weren’t Jennifer or Stephanie, and were more sounding boards for my own thoughts than close advisors. At the moment, I didn’t have a close advisor, and I realized that except for the Annie. I lay down on my bed in my lingerie and thought about seeing Jason and Leah on the couch. Next thing I knew I was diddling myself like a mad woman. It seems orgasm can be a good cure ... or at least a salve for guilt. I decided in the midst of that masturbatory frenzy that I was going to get what I wanted and that if I didn't, I'd go crazy.The next chance I got I talked to Dad about it. I explained what I was feeling and what I needed to do. I told him that I was asking him for a special gift that only he could give me. I wanted a few hours alone with Jason, no questions asked. Dad really wanted to be there, or at least to know all about it afterward, but I told him I couldn't have it that way. I needed to be totally alone with Jason. I needed to get the lust out of my system and for that reason it couldn't be about your father's desires." What did Dad say?" He wasn't very happy about it, especially that he couldn't watch. But he understood. I don't think he'd refuse me anything if.
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